Lately, I’ve been struggling between the image of what I’m supposed to do and what I’m actually doing. There between my imagination and my actions lies a great chasm, a seemingly uncrossable chasm without even so much as a rope bridge to bring me across.
On the one side, I have the ghosts that follow me through the day. Maybe not ghosts. Maybe they are some refection of a different universe where another self split off and somehow managed to get organized and exercise and write great works and contribute to the world in a positive and loving way. All I know is that most days, I am caught by the sensation that someone out there is doing a much better job at living than I am.
What has this to do with writing? Well… just this. Writing, and all art, challenges us to present our most honest selves, to selfishly focus on our own specific world view in order to connect more broadly with those who do not share it. And it takes some inherent sense of entitlement to proclaim – Look what I made and don’t you just love it?
So enters perfectionism, because we can’t imagine, or I can’t anyway, a world where just having made the thing would make it worthy of focus and attention. I believe that my work has to earn the right to be viewed by others and to be enjoyed. But that begs the question, am I capable of creating such a thing?
Today, I just wanted to share a video of Dr. Brené Brown, who I’m sure many of you have heard of through her wonderful Ted Talks, about vulnerability and shame. Take a minute to think about shame, worthiness and art today. You don’t need to earn it.
Thank you for sending along this link. It was what I needed to hear today. Ironically, this is what I wrote about in my introduction: shame, vulnerability and guilt. And even more ironic: what I can so confidently say to parents, with the full weight of my belief and experience, is so hard for me to say to myself in the context of writing and other things.
You know, here’s another one, aimed at girls, but is powerful in a whole different way. And a little funny and speaks to the fact that we can see others in ways we won’t can’t often see ourselves… It’s about body issues, but what if we applied the idea of body issues to our bodies of work??? OOH, I feel a new blog post coming on…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOWqSPJZtmA&feature=share&list=UUi_BjZoqPnMmkCLv2FlyBxQ
Great, Angie. Speaks to a whole lot. It’s funny, the first thing I thought of while listening to her was my daughter and her adolescent coping. I’m looking forward to seeing the other video, the one aimed at girls.