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  • in reply to: Thais week six #16742

    thais
    Member

    @elizabeth You had a question from my plot change. You asked why I decided to change the Kanya’s father from the Pres. Protector to the protector. There was a love triangle between the Pres. Protector, protector, and Kanya’s mother. I needed a bigger motive for the hatred inside the Pres. Protector. He was betrayed by his closest friends. She fled and the other stayed and the pres. protector disfigured him. Kanya uncovers this story in the book and it allows her to understand why her mother left.

    Do you miss having the Pres. Protector as Kanya’s father?

    I like what you said about the last scene with the circle in the clouds. In my mind the book stops here. But I see that she already is strong when she leaves the tents so why would she need more strength from “God.” Maybe I but the imagery first as she hiking up the hill, and then she waves her final good-bye to her mother.

    Thank you for your comments. I’m looking forward to developing this book beyond what I think that I can do. -Thais

    in reply to: Sabina Week 6 #16695

    thais
    Member

    Wonderful! So moving. I’m tearing up. I love this dancing in the rain and the build up with the rain outside and then inside.

    in reply to: Devi week 6 #16691

    thais
    Member

    Wow! Nice grab at the end. I’m wondering how dia feels about the miscarriages and how it relates back to Crash? Is she still thinking about him? Always a pleasure to read your story.

    in reply to: Sabina Week 5 #16618

    thais
    Member

    Dear Sabina,

    Another touching scene capturing the heartbreak of losing a child.

    Thais

    in reply to: Devi Week 5 #16616

    thais
    Member

    Dear Devi,
    Well, this was an exciting read. So much going on. I would love to stay longer with the Thompson’s but maybe that’s in other pages. Very much enjoyed reading this! I’ve gotten to the point with your edits on my pieces that I’m hearing your voice in my head, along with Elizabeth’s. Five years now!

    in reply to: Sabina Week 4 #16520

    thais
    Member

    Dear Sabina,

    Such a big moment this week. I was really there with you and felt in scene the whole time. Lovely.

    Thais

    in reply to: Devi Salon piece week 4 #16518

    thais
    Member

    Dear Devi,

    I’m just so intrigued by Crash and Dia. I love this story and look forward to reading all these little bits every time. I can’t wait to see this put all together in a book. It’s really very touching and complex.

    Thais

    in reply to: Thais week four #16509

    thais
    Member

    Use this one for week 4.

    in reply to: Thais week three #16499

    thais
    Member

    Here’s my week 4 submission. It’s a stand-alone piece that I wrote and it was accepted for an audition for the Listen to Your Mother production. My audition is happening this coming Saturday. I’m bummed you can’t read the ending in this forum as the whole piece is just over 600 words. I’m hoping to get your encouragement mostly. Thanks so much, Thais

    in reply to: Thais week three #16480

    thais
    Member

    HI E – It looks like you attached last week’s story.

    in reply to: Sabina Week 3 #16248

    thais
    Member

    Dear Sabina,

    I really felt like I was there with the narrator. I liked how she went in and Sabrina was out of sorts with messed up hair. The narrator was able to reach her and even make her smile a little. They ate and the narrator even brushed her hair which was a nice image. -Thais

    in reply to: Devi week three salon #16246

    thais
    Member

    Dear Devi, I loved this section. I definitely would have read more. This is great. I said to myself. That’s it. That’s 500 words? I would have kept reading. I love this inner struggle and the contrast with her current reality.

    in reply to: 2nd Submisson-Last Girl Baby #16208

    thais
    Member

    Thank you E! Looks like you may have forgotten to attach ms.

    in reply to: Sabina Week 2 #16177

    thais
    Member

    Big moment. The ring in a box. Loved all the boxes. So unexpected that she accepted right away. Can’t wait to read if her husband will be a good husband.

    in reply to: Devi Salon piece week 2 #16173

    thais
    Member

    Dear Devi,

    I love the suspense. The music starting to play. I want Dia and Crash together. They obviously love each other. So for me this scene is heartbreaking. I want Dia to find Crash and hug him. Cry. Cling to him. I’m interested in this moment when Dia is about to get married but she wants to see Crash one last time. Where is she? Where is she looking?
    On second pass I see that Marco’s family history might be revealing part of the mystery. Love all the different players involved.

    Thais

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