[Sabina]

Haha!  It is ok 🙂

[Sabina]

Hi Thais,

 

So sorry, I apologize for the delay!  I thought I already posted.  I love this piece.  The connection to her child- her mother.  The hope.

 

The details are amazing.

 

Thank you
Sabina

[Sabina]

Devi!

 

I am so sorry, I thought I already posted.

 

I love the details.  I feel so much is going on.  Especially the last line is so telling, but I wanted more.

 

Sabina

[Sabina]

I apologize for multiple posts.  NOt sure how to fix it.  I wanted the one that was double spaced and 12 font.

 

Thank you.

[Sabina]

I loved this.  So vivid.  The details.

 

I find interesting this line, “<span style=”font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 1.5em;”>she hadn’t stolen anything in years, hadn’t pick-pocketed or shoplifted or lied, and hadn’t bothered the Thompsons in almost a decade, but something about the abandoned kite made her want to fly”</span>

Does this mean she used to?

 

And her relationship? with Henry is so wrong but as a reader i know it is because she must not feel love for her husband?  Intriguing!

Thank you for this.  I love Dia’s character, so deep and like I am with her on her journey of life.

 

Sabina

 

[Sabina]

Thank you so much for this, Thais.  I love the series and how the story is coming along.  There is so much tension and drama here.  The one thing that bothers me is that she doesn’t seem to care about her father when she just leaves.  Is this the case?  I feel like there was much more feeling towards him previously.  Maybe more about what was going on around and her feelings about leaving him behind, too?

 

Thank you for sharing 🙂

 

Sabina

[Sabina]

Devi,

I love your writing.  And I love the vivid scenes.  I wish I had the whole story in front of me to read.

 

Thank you for sharing 🙂

 

Sabina

[Sabina]

Dear Thais,

 

I loved this and could relate!  I like the pace, but I felt the piece was rushed in certain parts.  Overall, I loved it and wanted to hear the end.

 

Thank you for sharing 🙂

 

Sabina

[Sabina]

Hi Thais,

Wow, I feel like I just stepped out of a movie scene, such details. I like the way you capture Kanya’s complex feelings.  I am able to feel what she is feeling.  I love the realization that the President Protector was the third person in the photograph.  It all seems to be coming together.

I did get a little confused with the pronouns and sometimes I even get confused between “protector” and “President Protector” but that could just be me.

 

Great work.

Thanks

Sabina

[Sabina]

Devi,

I do not know how to upload a word document using my new Mac yet, but will learn tonight from the expert in my home.

I loved this scene.  I saw her, in her day dream, as a younger Dia marrying Crash and her being around the Aunties and Uncles with their questions.  I loved the last part and how you used the word “crowded”.  I definitely felt her suffocation, being in the situation and with those people.  I felt her unhappiness and yearning to leave and find Crash and be with him.

 

I also couldn’t believe that this was 500 words.  I wanted more.

Thank you.

Sabina

 

[Sabina]

Devi,

Thank you for this.

I am almost glad she is not marrying Crash, since he is her friend’s husband!
I can feel her anguish, wanting to say good bye but pressure from her mom keeping her from doing so.

I loved the memories.  Makes me wonder how her relationship with Crash started and when?

I want to see who she is marrying and m hoping she gets away!

I feel the urgency and the feeling of it being too late.

Is this scene before or after the scene you put up last week?

I can’t wait to read more.

Thank you

 

Sabina

[Sabina]

Thais,

 

Wow, I had to read the old piece again because I was so pulled into your world.

I have a question:  Is this before or after she is visited in her bed (your first piece)?

You don’t have to put this in the piece but it makes me wonder how long she has been away from her family and when she was taken away from them (I assume she was taken away and that she is about 13/14?)?

Also, why is she more angular in only  week?  Is she not eating?

I love how you talk about her brown speckled eyes at the beginning and then his (her father’s) at the end.

I want to read more!

 

Thank you for sharing

 

Sabina

[Sabina]

Hi all,

 

I am working on my novel about the relationship of two Pashtun American sisters growing up in the SF Bay Area.  I have done about 50,000 words and m now working on editing the novel and adding to where I am lacking.

 

What I want from the group is to know if the characters are believable and if you believe the story.  How can I make it (each scene 500 words) better?

 

Thank you!

 

sabina

[Sabina]

Dear Laskar,

Wow, that was intense from the beginning until the very end when she kissed him!  Makes me wonder why she would kiss him?  To prove something?  Or did she have feelings for him?  Is this part of a novel or on it’s own?

Thank you for sharing.

PS just read that Crash was Dia’s lover, makes it more juicy!

Sabina

[Sabina]

Thais,

 

I felt as if I was taken from my home and to a place I didn’t know and from what I read, didn’t want to know.  Thank you for the brief intro.  <span style=”line-height: 1.5em;”>The piece left me wondering what was happening?</span><span style=”line-height: 1.5em;”>   Is this the beginning of the book?  Was the President raping her to reproduce?  And it also seems that the Protectors did not agree with the President’s doings. I am intrigued.  I want to know more.  I know the Protectors are half human and half robots, but how do they look?</span>

Can’t to read more!

[Author]

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