[julierappaport]

Ok. AGAIN WEEK 2 JULIE

[julierappaport]

CeeCee By Jody Brettkelly

Jess, Taylor and I took turns having a quick riffle through the rack of dresses in Ruby Dunes. ( I am so happy to be back reading this story!)

We decided we’d all try on the pleated Ikat long frocks. ( SEEMS TO SPELL DISASTER FROM THIS LINE – GREAT.) I took the ice blue one, Taylor the bright fuchia, a color which funnily enough had always looked perfect with her red hair and Jess, the minty green.
“Remember how Mum had always made us the same dress, different colors for church on Sunday. “ said Taylor. “I always got brown. Not fair.” ( This puts us right into the dynamic of the 3 sisters.)

“Are they really cool…” I asked plucking at my dress.
“Or do they look like nighties?” Taylor answered.
“Nighties.” said Jess decisively.
“Right – money saved” I said. ( This dialogue is perfect! All three chime in and read each other’s minds. THIS SUMS UP THEIR CLOSENESS KEEP DOING THIS!)

We were about to get back into the changing room to take the dresses off when a white raffia swing ( I don’t know what this is?)

The owner of the store, CeeCee, was sitting outside, perched on the side of the deck slugging out of a Heneiken and wearing one of the pleated dresses we’d just tried on, hers was in blush pink. GREAT
“Yes. Nightie with a belt” Jess muttered and we all sniggered. MAYBE A BIT MEAN BUT APT IT SAYS SOMETHING.
She still a deep tan, but it was muddier now and worn. I LIKE THIS NEVER HEARD A TAN BEING DESCRIBED AS MUDDY. The foam-tousled hair and the multiple jangling bracelets I KNOW THIS PERSON! SO CLEAR
“You ladies local?” said Ceecee.
Oh brother. CeeCee lived up the beach from us for at least six years. She had been relentlessly mean ( MORE SPECIFICS, HOW? LOVE TO KNOW)

“CeeCee” said Jess “you know how they told us in school that smoking drugs would dull the memory?”
“Oh shit, it’s you Taylor.( GOOD DIALOGUE) Hi Jess, sorry I didn’t see you there. God, Taylor” she added looking Taylor up and down, her eyes resting on her hips “you haven’t changed.”
“Sweet of you to say, Ceec” said Taylor.
CeeCee took another chug of her beer and picked up her phone, losing interest in the conversation before it had even really started. There were three women standing in front of her but she’d only acknowledged two. Classic fucking CeeCee. ( ALSO, IT SEEMS A LITTLE ABRUPT THAT SHE JUST STOPS DEALING WITH ALL OF THEM, )

Jody:

I love the details in the color of the frocks, the relationship between the sisters ( I think you really have this down) the snakiness that is sometimes between them now focused on CeeCee- I like that they join together when under assault. ( I may be reading to much into this) The presence of the ocean surfer culture seems important somehow- the place too. It’s fun to be back in the world of the sister’s again. Great work looking forward to more! Is one sister missing? I thought maybe there were four?

[julierappaport]

I am having a bit of trouble figuring out how to do this critique system with out the text to insert comments into. I am also going to post line comments in a an attachment to this page, Vijaya because I can’t cut and past them all here.

My overview of your piece: What I loved: I love the image of the mud stove, the
difficult image of the mother chasing the son to burn him ( brand him?) Lahore in British Raj is very evocative- sets the stage , the rich irrigated land, the people lining up to see the young girl, the father of the young girl who gave her the land ( he’s memorable could use a bit more of him) The land was her own lost dead mother! Love that utterly perfect! Love the history and sort of teaching /learning that happens when I read this. Love the voice. I can hear you read it- very specific style in that it’s in 2nd person.

I know this is a letter to your father, but I also feel the story of your mother. So what I want to know is why is the mother only asking these questions the day after Appu dies? Did she ever share any of these pains with you before he died, and if not, why not? I want to know if what this refers to: Who would have thought that that girl would have suffered so much? Did she suffer at the hands of Appu? I am curious about that? I detect a tone of anger towards Appu for selling the land. I wonder if this is restrained on purpose, if it’s leading up to something, if it’s solely a personal letter. Is the letter form being used to tell a bigger story?I feels like it is and as this is a tiny slice, I guess I want to know if this is an essay or a book length story. Wonderful powerful images that will stay with me!

[julierappaport]

After the long train journey and the water buffalo/auto rickshaw collision our two heroines (!!) Lucy and Nita- are finally at the temple. Nita abandons Lucy at the entrance. Lucy goes inside alone. Meanwhile, we don’t know what’s going on with Nita ( where did she run off to?) until the section that’s here for you to read.

thank you for reading!

[Author]

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