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Discussion
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Replies
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Jody,
I love the details of the people you describe so well. I love the ambivalence of the author wanting a comfortable life but not quite fitting in and her commentary about how the rich live in Oakland. I like the details of that. Be careful of not putting down the characters themselves. I think the descriptions do the work for you in that realm. You might not need to use the word pretentious. I’m still curious as to why Oakland? For a job? For a change?
I love the whole tone and the way it shifts at the end. The shift pulls me in, it feels slightly mysterious and that we, the readers, are in your command. I sense a little trouble ahead, and I like that! Keep going…This is wonderful, Jody. I love the way you describe your neighbors, very clear and provocative. I want to hear more, though you say you are not going to say any more, just yet. You make us want more, though! Interesting reflections on class diversity, a topic that is not often spoken about. I am curious, do they have children? What are they like? Do you they come to these parties? Or are they only adults? How old are they? What kind of scene do they create? Keep on going, Jody. You are onto something special!
Jody,
I love the voice throughout this piece—so observant and witty and sharp(-tongued). I believe that I know them just enough, in the same way the family might feel it knows them just enough—who would want to know them more? And yet there is a promise here, too, that they matter to the story in some way And given that your heroine is going to be shot in this neighborhood, I think indeed they will matter. This is very rich, this piece, layered. Sets up a whole social landscape and promises that your mystery is going to tackle these issues in some way. How does that sound to you?
Warmly,
Elizabeth
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