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Discussion
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“Appa, you were born to a domineering mother who was barely sixteen when you were born.”
Love that introduction of domineering mother the even the word mother is so powerful and compelling – mothers can use this to good or to evil – and the “barely sixteen” becomes intriguing and in some ways carries us to some sympathy of her. Also love the direct “Appa”, not sure what you call that, but very direct and makes you wonder who is speaking.
The description of mother – “aggressive and greedy woman who wanted desperately to be wealthier than she was” and the father “who failed to disciplne you” is a great contrast.
After the first couple of pars I realise he is addressing a boy and the way this is written very quickly sums up his life. The mention of the irons is horrific, the fact a mother did that contrasts so strongly to the father who does not discipline himThe “roast you skin” simple and horrific. Now we know the father terrified him too as they both terrified him past the age of fifty, but intrigued to know how father terrified him, maybe pschologically.
“Appa, that raw fear curtailed your ability to respond to the pain and suffering your parents caused incessantly on your wife because of the huge dowry she brought with her.”
Had to read the “curtailed your ability” sentence a couple of time as I tripped over that, as it was abstract and the rest factual simple but rich.
“She wondered out loud, the day after you passed onwards to we do not know where (not sure what this means, passed onwards??):
In just a couple of pars you have summed up what some would take a book to do, a tragic story of a trusting girl who thought she bought with her equal standing and a man who is terribly stunted by what his parents did to him. Love everything about it, as a reader would have liked to slow down and rest for a while on some of the pars.
Love the references to the time – 1954, makes it deeper and more historical. It was densely populated with facts and had to read twice but worth it because so well written and so much said about their lives and life in just a couple of pars. Lovely Vijaya!
I am having a bit of trouble figuring out how to do this critique system with out the text to insert comments into. I am also going to post line comments in a an attachment to this page, Vijaya because I can’t cut and past them all here.
My overview of your piece: What I loved: I love the image of the mud stove, the
difficult image of the mother chasing the son to burn him ( brand him?) Lahore in British Raj is very evocative- sets the stage , the rich irrigated land, the people lining up to see the young girl, the father of the young girl who gave her the land ( he’s memorable could use a bit more of him) The land was her own lost dead mother! Love that utterly perfect! Love the history and sort of teaching /learning that happens when I read this. Love the voice. I can hear you read it- very specific style in that it’s in 2nd person.I know this is a letter to your father, but I also feel the story of your mother. So what I want to know is why is the mother only asking these questions the day after Appu dies? Did she ever share any of these pains with you before he died, and if not, why not? I want to know if what this refers to: Who would have thought that that girl would have suffered so much? Did she suffer at the hands of Appu? I am curious about that? I detect a tone of anger towards Appu for selling the land. I wonder if this is restrained on purpose, if it’s leading up to something, if it’s solely a personal letter. Is the letter form being used to tell a bigger story?I feels like it is and as this is a tiny slice, I guess I want to know if this is an essay or a book length story. Wonderful powerful images that will stay with me!
Vijaya—There is so much in here, rich, wonderful material.
I remember your talking about your editor friend, MM, not approving of the second person address here. It grew on me, but I started with the same uncomfortable feeling that this was not really addressed to Appa, who knew all of these things, but to the reader, by proxy. Then I had the thought that part of the piece’s purpose is that very dilemma—the Appa who can no longer be directly addressed, who must be addressed through others. But mostly I think that any way this material comes pouring out at this point is great. What you are doing is discovering—what you have to say, how it fits together, what matters.
I really connected to the story about the mother and the dowry, to the different ways the mother, the villagers and then the father viewed the gift of that land. What an amazing story. I’d love to see you draw it out, dramatize it, as a story. That line of people—what an image! Powerful material here, and all through out it is the details, as noted in some of the lines mentioned above, that most capture me.
I am humbling reversing my position on putting everything in the comments. I’ve just pasted my many, many notes into three people’s comments and it’s just too time consuming. I am going to upload the doc. I’ve put my comments right in the text in editorial parenthesis, underlining the lines I’m discussing. Next week I will simply track changes in the document. It doesn’t seem hard to open docs anyway . . . Thanks!
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