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Hey thais, this is action packed!my reader questions: I want to participate in the confrontation between the president protector and kanya’s protector – so I need to know more than Kanya as I watch the drama unfold. Can you just clarify some of the pronouns, so I know who is slapping whom and which protector is hurting the other?
I think it would be even more immediate if we the readers could observe the room, the details that Kanya sees as these two protectors fight. What does she notice? It became so much clearer towards the end when we could hear the noise and witness the collision and see the protector’s eyes roll backNice work!
Hi Thais,
Wow, I feel like I just stepped out of a movie scene, such details. I like the way you capture Kanya’s complex feelings. I am able to feel what she is feeling. I love the realization that the President Protector was the third person in the photograph. It all seems to be coming together.
I did get a little confused with the pronouns and sometimes I even get confused between “protector” and “President Protector” but that could just be me.
Great work.
Thanks
Sabina
Thais,
I love the way the dynamics play themselves out here in the physical interactions among the three. The President Protector is creepy. I love the revelation that the other guy is her bio father. My big question is the plot question above. And I marked some spots to clarify or open out.
Great work!
Warmly,
Elizabeth
You’re kidding. Arg. Trying again. Please name your doc starting with your name and including the week (i.e. Thais Week 3). Thanks!
Here’s my week 4 submission. It’s a stand-alone piece that I wrote and it was accepted for an audition for the Listen to Your Mother production. My audition is happening this coming Saturday. I’m bummed you can’t read the ending in this forum as the whole piece is just over 600 words. I’m hoping to get your encouragement mostly. Thanks so much, Thais
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