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Discussion
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(submitted under week 3. Here it is again with it’s own week thread) Here’s my week 4 submission. It’s a stand-alone piece that I wrote and it was accepted for an audition for the Listen to Your Mother production in San Francisco. My audition is happening this coming Saturday. I’m bummed you can’t read the ending as the whole piece is just over 600 words. I’m hoping to get your encouragement mostly. Thanks so much, Thais
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Replies
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thais, i loved the energy of this piece, and i wanted to know more — the details of the piece, the specificity, is what makes this so funny and biting (no pun intended)
the real conflict of the mother/narrator seems to be that she is burned out but doesn’t know how to fix it…..nice work!
Dear Thais,
I loved this and could relate! I like the pace, but I felt the piece was rushed in certain parts. Overall, I loved it and wanted to hear the end.
Thank you for sharing 🙂
Sabina
Thais,
I have to say, I sense your frustration about the word limit. I think you probably know that you should never submit something that ends mid-sentence, either. Yes?
This is a funny, wonderful piece. I love the move from terrified to self-righteous angel to overwhelmed (regular) mom of two!
I think this final line (the one that’s complete) would be an amazing place to end. I’d move Trader Joe’s to earlier, and build to the crisis and rushing out of the store. That’s your climax, and the point of the story, really, and just a powerful punch. You can probably put the other stuff first somewhere if you need it—unless you’ve got another douzy of a story coming in the last 184 words . . .
Break a leg! Awesome that you are doing this!
Warmly,
Elizabeth
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