Thais week five

[thais]

This scene tells us what happens next after the President Protector is knocked unconscious on the floor. Kanya and her dad are standing side-by-side.

Discussion

[Devi S. Laskar]

nice work thais! nice to see kanya and the crew again — i left you a longish note at the bottom of the submission

[Sabina]

Thank you so much for this, Thais.  I love the series and how the story is coming along.  There is so much tension and drama here.  The one thing that bothers me is that she doesn’t seem to care about her father when she just leaves.  Is this the case?  I feel like there was much more feeling towards him previously.  Maybe more about what was going on around and her feelings about leaving him behind, too?

 

Thank you for sharing 🙂

 

Sabina

[Elizabeth]

Thais,

 

It’s thrilling to see things move quickly in a big new direction! I love the arc of this moment.

 

 

I think you have to be careful of Klim’s sudden appearance at the key moment. Funnily enough, if you have her doing more herself, and he swoops in at a key moment when her efforts have gotten her only so far and she’s stuck—somehow, Hollywood styl—that will not seem like as much of a coincidence as his just happening to be hanging out and telling her where the ladder is and how to escape. Think that through a bit more.

 

 

I got a little confused between the dad and the guy unconscious on the floor—I think this may be in part because you’ve made some changes, but also because they play similar roles, yes?

 

 

Overall, you are building a vivid world and a suspenseful tale!

 

 

Warmly,

 

Elizabeth

 

[Elizabeth]

Dear Devi @dlaskar —

It’s fine to copy and paste your end note into this window, but please do at least that. Thanks!

Elizabeth

[Author]

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