-
Discussion
-
Apologies for going over the word count, but it seems that the feedback has been to slow down and offer more description, which in turn creates a higher word count…not sure how to resolve this…
This is told from Detective Ramirez’s perspective as he is gathering more clues about Greta. No resolution yet, but thanks for helping me move toward one! Looking forward to reading everyone’s writing this week.
-
Replies
-
Hi Simone,
Oooo boy, love the high drama mystery of curses and spells to discover — and wondering how the two lives will intersect.
So many lovely descriptions and ideas — an ordinary conversation you want to hear more of,the eyebrows and hair of Northern New Mexicans,rollerskating around a capital building,pang of despair, gold aspen, thunderclouds that build up, moving through a life they never wanted (what desperate notion!), waiting to break free and forever grieving not taking a stand that would haunt him. You create such nice moments with descriptions and interactions with photographs, too.
I have a couple thoughts. Wondering if it might be fun to read a super dry detective report and write in that staccato, sterile voice in the beginning? Just and idea.
Elizabeth has sensitized me to POV — who’s “lonely” drive?Could Dominick really imagine something as particular as Greta’s headache long ago? Or was it his own? I’m a bit confused.
I’m wondering if the general reader will know what “Cal” is — this is silly and picky, but I don’t know the pet names of universities in other states myself.
As usual, you have whetted my appetite to know more about all these people and how their dark fates weave together!
MollieHi Simone,
What a great choice to tell some of the story of Dominik’s past through his search for clues into Greta’s disappearance! Not only does it give us his voice, but it also shows how he’s grappling for answers and how emotionally invested he is in the case. It makes the connection between the characters so personal even though he didn’t know her. I also think it’s really effective to show how he’s ruminating about how to proceed, looking at the specifics of the case from a distance at first in an impersonal way (“White female, 27, graduate student …) and then going to the highly personal in wondering if their cars passed on the road when she was going to visit her father and he his brother. Really, I think this is masterful! The only question I had here was so minor, the word choice “despair” when he noticed the aspens turning to gold, wondering if it was more a longing or sadness for the past. I’ve so enjoyed being introduced to all the characters in your novel and wish you the best in your writing of it!
JeanSimone,
I love the theme of time and generations and the ways that our stories get set up by those who came before us or with us or who brought us into the world. I love the import of Greta’s story to Dominick, and of his own story, and the way that they seem connected, both un(re)solved.
My main comments are about wanting more clarity about the evidence and where it came from. I think this is for a couple of reasons. One is because it matters in guessing what’s true, what’s relevant. And two, it matters because it’s part of what’s unfolding as Dominick looks through this evidence. I would consider some options to make the stakes even higher in this scene.
One way would be to clarify that this is the first time he’s gotten to look through the file, and to let this be discovery for him instead of review.
Another way is to have him collecting this evidence and reacting to and evaluating it, rather than just having it handed to him as truth. It seems fraught with the possibility of error, or contradiction, yet it is presented as fact. Isn’t it his job to doubt it? Or to confirm it?
Otherwise, I love the tone and mood, the darkness and the emotion and the power of your writing. Wonderful.
Warmly,
Elizabeth
Log in to reply.