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Discussion
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This week’s piece focuses on Caroline, Greta’s aunt and Ari, Greta’s father (and Caroline’s brother). I am trying to lay down the pages in the order I’d like them to be read in a longer piece, focusing on one character at a time: Greta, Caroline and the detective, Dominik, will each have sections told in the third person. These sections will get longer as the story moves on. My writing for week one was a summary of how I hope the novel will proceed. I’m unsure how I will include that piece in my final work. Next week, I will write a section for Dominik.
And yes, Elizabeth, Mollie read my piece last week — her comments for my week #2 are under my week #1 piece, since I had some tech difficulties.
Looking forward to reading your pieces, Mollie and Jean.
Simone
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Replies
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Hi Simone,
I’m sucked right in: curious about this woman who doesn’t keep her promises, eager to see how difficult Ari can be later through scene/phone conversation,sympathize with her wanting to be a better sister. Love the fact that she likes all the current rage for diagnosis to avoid misunderstanding and heartache “wished she’d had a few of these acronyms to cling to” — funny/sad at same time. (I sometimes think they are false windows to understanding at just a compassionate level).
I can completely picture this beach boy/serious student and the 9 year old who is dying for connection and only manages to say “Are you going back to college?” I would like to see this whole poignant scene slow down and be played out in detail — what was tree house like? time of day? light? sounds? was this usually a happy place for them? a ritual spot to bond as siblings while the mom was sick?
It is a double whammy tragic to know the mom dies (of what? can you tell us?) and that this bright young boy is off to Vietnam (which can’t be good) and leaving behind a lonely, grieving little girl. Go Simone! You know how to set up a whole lot ‘o sorrow in a few brief words — I’m dying to know how all these unhappy events shape/warp these characters as they grow into adults. . keep us posted!
Mollie<p class=”MsoNormal”><span style=”font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>Hi Simone,</span></p>
<p class=”MsoNormal”><span style=”font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>I love getting deeper into the complex history of the characters in your novel with Caroline’s story. You mentioned in your note that each section is going to be filled out with more details, which is great, so my questions are really of the “what’s going to happen next” variety! This already has so much good tension in it: Caroline and her guilt about not checking in on her brother Ari, the walk and lunch Caroline is about to go on with Ari, dipping back into their childhood when all the problems started, with the tragedy of their mother’s illness and death and Ari leaving school and going to Vietnam. I assume he was drafted? If so, how long after he found out about his mother did he get the notice? Did he make a conscious decision not to try to avoid it so he didn’t have to face his mother’s death? Are some of his troubles PTSD related because of what happened to him in Vietnam?</span></p>
<p class=”MsoNormal”><span style=”font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>I was really moved by how happy they were before (Ari coming home for winter break and swinging Caroline over his shoulder) and then the complete reverse after he sees their mother. Therefore, it seems from what I know so far that Ari had a happy childhood (but I could be wrong!) and the trouble didn’t start until he was in college with their mother’s illness; I was wondering what it was like for Caroline up to the age of nine when all this happened, and then what it was like after. Did she spend the rest of her childhood alone with just her father after her mother died and Ari left? It would also be interesting to know what Caroline’s conversation with Ari was like when she did finally call him about going for a walk and having lunch. </span></p>
<p class=”MsoNormal”><span style=”font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>Can’t wait to read more!</span></p>
<p class=”MsoNormal”><span style=”font-family: ‘Times New Roman’;”>Jean</span></p>Thanks for all of this clarity, Simone! I love what you are doing. (This is not my comment on your work but my comment on your comment. :))
Simone,
This is strong material! I feel so much for young Caroline—she’s so sympathetic. This is a triumph. I love Ari’s characterization here, and the turns the scene takes. Very moving.
I made a few light edits, as you’ll see, and suggested a couple. Keep going! It’s exciting to see the depth of this story here. There’s also a wonderful thread of humor running through this.
Warmly,
Elizabeth
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