Sabina Week 3

[Sabina]

Hello All,

 

Here is my week 3 submission.  I don’t know why it wasn’t uploaded last night.

Thank you!

 

Sabina

Discussion

[thais]

Dear Sabina,

I really felt like I was there with the narrator. I liked how she went in and Sabrina was out of sorts with messed up hair. The narrator was able to reach her and even make her smile a little. They ate and the narrator even brushed her hair which was a nice image. -Thais

[Devi S. Laskar]

Hi Sabina
This is a powerful scene, and I think you described it so well. I felt present in the room. As a reader I just want to be “in the know” and see the two characters in the room really interact, and react to the tension of the situation. I marked the moments where I felt I was sitting in the room with them — looking forward to reading the next installment 🙂

nice work!

[Elizabeth]

Sabrina,

 

 

Very sad and moving scene. I love the sister’s empathy and what she does and what she cannot do. I love seeing their relationship in action. Keep digging into the details of the place and the people. The situation has emotionally high stakes and so we can linger a bit and build the world more. At times it seemed you were hurrying through certain events. Not that everything needs to be drawn out, but think about what is important to the story, and layer detail onto that.

 

 

I feel so engaged with the sisters and the situation (though I barely begin to understand what is happening with the baby).  Powerful!

 

 

Warmly,

Elizabeth

[Author]

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