Jean Week 6

[Jean]

Hi,
I’ve jumped around again in the novel here. This scene takes place when May is still making her way to the flat she’s renting in Venice (so before the restaurant scene from last week). It starts as she gets off the waterbus after the encounter with the older woman who nurses her scrap in one of the earlier submissions. The reference to the angel and the twin are significant to the novel in terms of imagery. Emma, the woman she’s renting the flat from, gave her a copy of a map on which she marked the path from the waterbus stop to the flat in yellow highlighter … Thanks so much for reading!
Jean

Discussion

[Mollie McNeil]

Hi Jean,
I’ve enjoyed again your vivid, transporting descriptions and wonderful use of language and metaphor — thick crowd, pale pink angel wings, like a small trailer (funny!), din of the crowd — I see as well as feel May navigating the complicated new city as you reveal the details of the map with its twists and turns. You show well the dimension of May’s character that is fussy and super scheduled in Italy of all places — and it seems very American in contrast — perhaps she will change from this rigid goal oriented person as she stays in Venice — great humor in her feeling a pang of delinquency (will you be casting Emma Thompson for this role in your movie?) in wanting to see art, her weakness for the Renaissance art.I apologize for being so dense, but I can’t quite picture the last image of the buildings beneath the surface of the water — are they flooded? Is the ground floor accessible? I haven’t been to Venice myself in 30 years so I can’t remember seeing this sort of thing. (I’m sorry it just isn’t clear to me here what you are depicting but maybe it is to others, so best check with them!)But I love the idea of angels and twins being important symbols to come — as beautiful and mysterious and rich as the setting. Thanks for this sensual feast of reading these past weeks!
Mollie

[siannami]

I am so sorry my comments will be late, Jean! I will send them later tonight. I have no excuse, only that work and parenting got the better of me this week! I am really looking forward to delving back into your vivid story. My apologies again.

Simone

[Elizabeth]

Jean,

 

 

I love Mae’s journey, both the literal journey to Venice and the journeys that are driving the story. Her escape from her divorce but also of her journey toward her art. You capture the confusions, hardships and pleasures of travel so well that I am swept along on the trip. Here, that making of one’s own day, home, schedule, the whole from scratch, that is both thrilling and mundane and sometimes very hard, is captured so well.

 

 

I had a couple of edits in my notes. One, about the rearranging of some sentences to move away from one long sentence with a long parenthetical remark indicates, too, my investment in all the details of her plans—I care about all of it.

 

 

Warmly,

Elizabeth

[siannami]

Hi Jean,

This is such a strong piece in terms of setting up a sense of place. The contrasts between light and dark, noise/quiet, crowds/loneliness, open spaces/narrow passageways, water/land lend such specificity to May’s surroundings. All of these contrasts somehow highlight the contradictions in May’s life between what seems to be a fallow period for her and what I hope will be some type of rebirth.

I am struck by all the items May feels she must get done before she can paint and I am struck by her almost extreme need to find order in her life. You do a nice job of setting up everything on her “to do” list. She is clearly burdened by a little voice inside that is urging her to do all the chores before she can have fun — and I am so looking forward to her telling that voice off and diving into life, enjoying Italy — the art, the food, the sun, the water, the people — and letting this inspire her art. I am wondering if this will happen, and how it will happen! I would love to read more — maybe we can keep sending each other work even if we are not in the Salon? I am so glad I was able to read your beautiful writing!

Thanks for you patience. Please see my attachment below for more specific comments.

[Author]

Replies