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Discussion
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I’m working on a novella about an artist named May—recently divorced, strained relationships with her two college-age children—who travels to Venice in search of inspiration for her painting, something she’s spent years finding excuses to start and stop, never really living up to the promise she thought she once had. But things don’t go as smoothly as planned in Venice when an encounter with a stranger brings a long-submerged memory to the surface and makes her question everything she thought to be true about herself and her past. This project started as a short story, but a couple of new characters appeared on the scene midway, providing the opportunity to deepen and lengthen it.
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Replies
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Hi Jean,
Yes, I feel fully and convincingly submerged in May’s mind — her way of perceiving and questioning is very real and compelling. I also feel I know Isobel and Patrick — even with the briefest description: beautifully, lightly done. The appreciation of the tender gesture speaks volumes about her delicate state. I love your specific language and almost microscopic depiction of the first moments of the piece — wonderful images: “seed pearls” “hint of rosewater” blue green sympathy” “depths depths” — delicious! Can’t wait to read on . . .
MollieHi Jean,
What a tender, moving piece. I teared up when May finally feels cared for — the depth of her sadness and desire for a real connection with someone is told so beautifully. I like how the piece starts out as though this will be a simple travel scene, and becomes so profound in just two short pages. You deftly show the woman on the train to be such a kind, sympathetic and capable person through such brief, yet rich descriptions and snippets of dialogue:
“They’ll all do.” Her accent is British, her eyes pools of blue-green sympathy… The woman removes a white tissue tucked into the sleeve of her blouse. “Mi scusi, a little room please,” she says, politely shooing the nearby passengers back a half step as she bends down to dab the blood with the tissue, a hint of rosewater trailing her movements.
In the space of just a few lines we learn this woman is a Brit who speaks Italian, but doesn’t mind if other people aren’t fluent, that her eyes are kind, that she is organized enough to carry tissue in her sleeves and that she smells good! What a powerful paragraph — it certainly made me want to know more about this woman (and wish that someone so lovely would show up in my life).
I liked the way May’s feelings toward the woman shift smoothly into her thoughts about her children and ex…. There is such a deep sadness underlying these scenes that it makes the encounter on the train even more meaningful, and I, as a reader want to know what will happen to May in Italy and more about what happened to her in the past — Will she be ok? Why did her marriage dissolve? Will she form a connection with someone and feel loved again? I can’t wait to read more of of your beautiful writing.
Jean—Each character in this brief sketch—the British woman, Patrick, Alexander—is so distinct and vivid. I love the voices. The narrator is well established through her glint of humor and her insights (i.e. about her son, and about her husband). This is a pleasure to read and makes me want more. Even the move to backstory grabs me and takes me along, triggered as it is by the woman’s tender and wholly unexpected gesture. It was my surprise at the nonetheless believable gesture that carried me along.
I am humbling reversing my position on putting everything in the comments. I’ve just pasted my many, many notes into three people’s comments and it’s just too time consuming. I am going to upload the doc. I’ve put my comments right in the text in editorial parenthesis, underlining the lines I’m discussing. Next week I will simply track changes in the document. It doesn’t seem hard to open docs anyway . . . Thanks!
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