Devi week three salon

[Devi S. Laskar]

another chunk of Dia and Crash, where Dia’s day dreams cloud her as she steps into a situation with all of the indian aunties and uncles….

Discussion

[thais]

Dear Devi, I loved this section. I definitely would have read more. This is great. I said to myself. That’s it. That’s 500 words? I would have kept reading. I love this inner struggle and the contrast with her current reality.

[Sabina]

Devi,

I do not know how to upload a word document using my new Mac yet, but will learn tonight from the expert in my home.

I loved this scene.  I saw her, in her day dream, as a younger Dia marrying Crash and her being around the Aunties and Uncles with their questions.  I loved the last part and how you used the word “crowded”.  I definitely felt her suffocation, being in the situation and with those people.  I felt her unhappiness and yearning to leave and find Crash and be with him.

 

I also couldn’t believe that this was 500 words.  I wanted more.

Thank you.

Sabina

 

[Elizabeth]

 

Devi,

 

 

I love the passion in this, the power of feeling. And I love the crowds and their questions and clothing . . .  I have the sense that things are coming to a head. Still, as marked, I wanted a little more clarity in the imagery, in the flow of the sentences at times. I know you can do that without losing the passion and power!

Warmly,

Elizabeth

[Author]

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