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Discussion
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Thank you all for your comments last round. I incorporated them into my text. I can’t believe that it’s already time for the next 500 words. I’ve written a new scene. Kanya is in the bathroom of the nipper warehouse right after the end of her menstrual cycle. Looking forward to reading your writing this week. -Thais
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Replies
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Thais,
Wow, I had to read the old piece again because I was so pulled into your world.
I have a question: Is this before or after she is visited in her bed (your first piece)?
You don’t have to put this in the piece but it makes me wonder how long she has been away from her family and when she was taken away from them (I assume she was taken away and that she is about 13/14?)?
Also, why is she more angular in only week? Is she not eating?
I love how you talk about her brown speckled eyes at the beginning and then his (her father’s) at the end.
I want to read more!
Thank you for sharing
Sabina
dear thais
i’m just riveted by this scene, there’s so much going on in such a short time. my overall comment is that i really wanted to “see” what Kanya sees as she learns that protector is her father — i wanted her to notice the lighting or any smells, i wanted her to notice if she was running hot or cold. I loved watching her see herself in the mirror and I thought it was very believable that she would be struck by her birth mother’s smile. Looking forward to what happens next!Thais,
Great event. He’s revealing something to her under time pressure. I made some notes where I wanted more specificity. I think the mention of his eyes (twice) as speckled (like hers) might be too much? In any case, I picked up on it and by the second mention for sure I am wondering if she’s thought through what this might mean . . .
Despite a few areas of confusion, the scene is concrete and unfolds at a good pace, detailed and yet tense.
Bravo! How great that you wrote a new scene, too
.(More comments in ms.)
Warmly,
Elizabeth
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