Penelope (as a sitcom)

She winks at her son, tells her suitors she’s out 
of supplies for Laertes’ shroud and hitches 

a ride to Yarn Barn. She buys enough thread to weave
shrouds for a family of four, claims she’ll choose a groom 

when she’s finished her obligation to her father 
in law. The trickery unravels in front of the hand 

maidens that night, suitors stamp out their cigarettes 
by the picket fence and demand her final answer. 

Just before commercial, she draws water from the well, 
recognizes an old king inside the shape of a beggar 

and throws the contest. The audience’s lust is as thick as blood,
satisfied when the grooms and servant girls are all hanged.

many thanks to the BWW's Lea K. for reminding me about Penelope. Always loved this story.....