"hands of shade" (from rodin's sculpture garden) by devi laskar

As I shared a few weeks ago, I set a goal to finish the third full draft of my manuscript by February 16, the day before I left for a momentum-stifling business trip.

Goal attained.

The most impressive aspect of the accomplishment is that I stopped. It was time to let go of the novel for a while rather than find every little excuse to hold on to it. I sent the manuscript to my trusted reader and had a Meryl Streep moment, my third draft feeling like the equivalent of a third Oscar. (I write fiction–I can rationalize almost any delusion.)

Until it’s time to press on, what should I do with myself?

1. On my trip, I had planned to do some writing. But the night I finished the manuscript, I developed one of those now-you-have-time-to-be-sick head colds, which included an intense sinus headache by the time I reached my conference. The hotel bed was soooooo comfortable, and I slept uncharacteristically well. Since I got back home about a week ago, I’ve slept more than usual, which my husband would tell you is still not enough. As thanks for his nagging care, I’m giving him fewer opportunities to ask, “What were you doing up so late?!” and I don’t have to repeat, “Writing! Duh!”

2. I’ve started reading A Visit from the Goon Squad. For all the praise heaped upon it, there’s an angry, vocal minority who despise it, which I find fascinating. It’s not a flawless work, but it tells a story effectively, taking some risks while remaining accessible. One complaint that irks me is that Egan hasn’t written a novel so much as a short story cycle. I stayed open-minded about this point until somewhere in the middle of chapter four, when I realized it’s not much of a point. Now in chapter six, I’m impressed by how the pieces are woven together. Egan’s structure doesn’t feel like a trick covering a mess. I doubt the chapters could stand alone, but even if they could, isn’t it more impressive when the parts of a whole could be two things (cycle AND novel)?

Few of the negative reviewers have convinced me they’re driven by anything more than spite. The English major in me wants to argue with their unsubstantiated nonsense or at least get them to admit they simply don’t like the book, and pissy comments on GoodReads won’t change that. Is there any point to such venting thinly veiled as criticism? Does it help to sell books? Does the author learn something from it? I wonder how this will feel when the crankiness is directed at a book I’ve written.

3a.
I’ve resumed working on a story that’s been simmering for a few years. The original idea was deemed interesting by various readers, but something about it felt flat to me, so I set it aside. Ideas came after I started working on the novel, which had taken over my life. The story had to wait.

Without getting into details, I’ll say the original version fell flat because the conflict was kind of clichéd. The protagonist was grieving and delusional, which made for messy, dull storytelling. He was unreliable, and I was even more so. In the revised version, he is aware of his mind playing a trick on him. He chooses to buy into it, which is more interesting than strapping a character into a roller coaster. The honesty feels less dangerous, but I think the result will be more worthwhile. Good fiction inspires something greater than #ISeeWhatYouDidThere. I hope this story ends up being good fiction, but at least it’s fun trying.

3b.
Ideas for the novel keep coming. I keep a list just beyond my reach, so I’ve got to really love an idea in order to make the effort to write it down. I need this vacation from the novel so my writing life doesn’t become limited to the novel. This feeling is what I’ve been striving for: what it feels like to be fueled by writing.

James Black is a founding member of Book Writing World. He earned a masters degree in comparative literature at the University of Missouri at Columbia. His work has been published in the anthology The New Queer Aesthetic on Television and in the journal Anon. He’s writing his first novel about the family of a closeted, gay soldier stationed in Iraq. Check out his blog, Quota. He contributes to the BWW weekly!